I quit

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I'm done.

My head is spinning. I'm exhausted.
I'm going away for a while.
I won't be checking my email, I won't be twittering and I won't be blogging.
I need a break.
I don't know which things I'm doing because I want to do them and which things I'm doing just to be polite.
So I'm taking a break from them both.
I'm stepping back and re-evaluating.
I want to be completely dedicated to things that I actually care about. I don't have time to say 'yes' the things that I want to say 'no' to.
Time is short.
School starts in 3 weeks and I have a lot to do.

Starting now, I am on an indefinite hiatus. Who knows when I'll be back in touch with the world wide web?
If this affects any of you, I offer my apologies but I'm young and foolish. Sometimes I don't time to think and sometimes I forget the things that I want. But I have forever to be tied to heavy responsibilities, I even have time to sink into mistakes but for once, I'm not going to let it happen. I'm not making that mistake today and I won't be the one tying myself to assignments I'd rather not have.

I hope that when I'm older I will be wise to pick and choose the things that I want to dedicate myself to, thoroughly and decisively on my own, but for now I am young, free and lazy.

I'm going to go frolic. I'll do some yoga. Have an ice cream sundae. Eat carrot sticks like I'm a school kid. I'll have a go on the tire swing.
Maybe I'll even nap outside in the shade.

A guillotine, please

I had the worst headache today.
It started at 10:30 p.m. And it lasted for hours and hours. Just because I decided to go to bed early inside of my usual time (1 a.m. or later) my head had to be ridiculous.

This is going to sound crazy but I think that when I go too long without writing, my body protests. I dragged myself out of bed at 1 o' clock and by the time I had finished writing my headache was gone.

Lucky me, I guess.

To everyone who left me a comment yesterday

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It honestly means a lot to me.
And today I finally got the newspaper (I was terrified yesterday that they were sold out!) and I couldn't stop smiling!
It was amazing seeing myself in print.

Today

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The funny thing is how today should have been a good day.
It wasn't.
I was published in a newspaper for the first time today.
Isn't that great?
Too bad, I won't be seeing myself in print.

Excuse me, I have to go take a nap now.

No

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This photo says a lot on it's own. I thought about leaving this post bare, leaving only the photo here to speak for me but then I realized that I have a lot to say too. But I don't know if now is the right time...

Chains.

I used to have them. But you couldn't see them and neither could I. But sometimes I would catch sight of myself in the mirror, a unintended glance that froze me. The look in my eyes would scare me but then I'd blink and it would be gone. That look was broken but my exterior wasn't broken at all, it was funny and entertaining, extroverted and outgoing.

It's a complicated situation that was long and arduous, summed up in a few loose thoughts, posted here in a few loose paragraph. A sentence can't show everything that was felt when the realization set in and a sentence can't describe why survival had meant uncountable walls painted with artificial faces projected to the world.

I was an irrevocably honest reflection of the world around me but it was always turned away from me. But now it's changed, I'm facing that mirror again, I'm seeing the unseen, just like that x-ray: I can't have that life anymore and I can't be that person that lives in chains with leering futility on my shoulders, bearing down and breaking.

There's a part of me that refuses. It whispers and says 'But you could, you could do it again' but I see now that my deepest fear is only a choice shifting in the shadows, waiting to be made and this time I'm choosing to say no, I could go back but I won't.

A quick message

Here's a quick thanks to Jennifer and Cesc for giving me this award and for reminding me that I need to get back to blogging.

I mean, this blog won't remain a great read if there's nothing to read.

Exhausted

My brain still hurts after 15 hours of sleep. I'm all lethargic and weird. I don't want to think intensely about anything right now.

Regular blogging will resume sometime soon... I need to recharge.

I salute everyone working for newspapers. Writing for a newspaper is not a joke. These people are amazing. I don't know how they do it.

It nearly killed me.